RoTM 1.85.9 -- Changing things

[xiao_meimei]

If I could change just one thing about my appearance, it would be trying to be more elegant. Like Inara. Ain’t much of a bother most days. I know I’m not hideous, an’ I like to think no one’d want to put a bag over my head before takin’ me to bed. Then again, it’s been so long, I ain’t entirely sure that ain’t the case. Hard to remember, sometimes. But that ain’t the point really. Most days, I’m just fine with me and the mirror.

But sometimes, when I’m sitting in my bunk and I see the dress the Captain got me to wear to this party once? Sometimes I wish I could be more like her. That I could keep myself neat and clean and wear the most beautiful dresses and have men and women both wanting me, though I ain’t sure what to do with the women, necessarily. But, it sure would be shiny to have that, just for a few days.

‘Course her dresses wouldn’t be no use in the engine room, and it ain’t like it’s exactly possible to stay clean in there when I’m workin’ to keep things going smooth, and ain’t no way in the ‘verse I’d rather be anything but Serenity’s mechanic, not really. But maybe…maybe if I could look like her, and wear my hair all pretty and my clothes just so…maybe then it wouldn’t seem like I’m worlds beneath anything he anyone might notice an’ want to pull into his their life.

Though, I guess, if someone don’t want me for who I am, they ain’t really much worth wanting.

But…it’d be nice, you know? Some days.

Comments

[sevenvirtues.livejournal.com]

I think there's a part of everybody that wants to see what it's like to be someone else, sometimes.

[xiaomeimei.livejournal.com]

I guess that's so. Never much bothered me before, though.

[qiuanyi.livejournal.com]

...Kaylee. I've...I've seen plenty of girls who look like that every day, and I don't think any of them hold a candle to you. They look like dolls. I didn't realise how much until I met you.

Not that you wouldn't look good, that way, I'm sure you would, but I...think you look beautiful as you are.

I told you, once, that you were pretty, especially covered in engine grease? I mean, I was drunk, at the time, but I still mean it.

[xiaomeimei.livejournal.com]

...Yeah? Did you really? I mean, you weren't just sayin' that?

[qiuanyi.livejournal.com]

...I - no. I don't tend to...just say things. I mean, well, sometimes I don't entirely think through what I say, but...

Yes. I meant that.

[xiaomeimei.livejournal.com]

Oh. That's real....real sweet of you to say.

[qiuanyi.livejournal.com]

...I...good. I like saying sweet things to you. It's...better than being unintentionally insulting.

[xiaomeimei.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah. I gotta say that it is.