xiao_meimei | What I'd do if there were no consequences....

Now that there's an easy one. Can't say as it's real bad. Maybe not even irresponsible, actually. But it's nothin' I'd do normally.

I'd walk right up to Simon an' kiss him. Then I'd ask him straight up if he thought I was pretty an' I met a girl recently at a party an' she said I ought to anyway, but I can't quite bring myself to do that. I mean, ain't like I haven't talked to him about it. I have. An' I tell him how I'm confused. Inara's right. My heart's right out there on my sleeve for him to see clear as day. But he don't ever...

He goes all stiff, an' not in the good way, dŏng ma?. He says it's his way of showing me respect, bein' polite an' such. I have to admit that's sweet of him. Very sweet. But somedays I just wish...I just wish he'd stop being so polite. But if I said that, or if I just...kissed him...well, that'd go against what he's trying to do. And he knows I'm interested in him. Ain't nobody that doesn't know at this point. So, if he ain't kissed me yet, there must be a reason. I don't want to know what the consequences would be if I took that from him--whatever control he's got by not kissin' me yet. He might get scared an' run. Or he might just carry me off to his bunk an'...well. Maybe my bunk, 'cause River comes into his a lot.

An' then I'd know if he was everything I think he is. But if he was offended? If that's not what proper ladies do in his world? Well. That'd be a consequence I wouldn't want to pay. I'd rather not know than have him look at me like I was some sort of jiànhuò.

So, I won't do it. Won't just kiss him until I get a clearer sign of specifically what it is he wants from me. I guess I'm just a wúwàng de làngmàn, at heart.